You're Hard Earned Dollars At Work

And by you, I mean mine. And by mine, I mean the students at Shorter who don't have a sweet scholarship.

Now, Shorter has had something of a cash-flow issue in recent years. It's endowment is not especially large so this tuition driven college has been doing everything it can to save money and attract students of all kinds. And even though the entry level SAT score has been plummeting and the atmosphere of the college has changed, many argue for the worse, that's not why I'm writing today.

Because Shorter is trying to save money. They have raised tuition, room, and board again to something like 23.5 a year. And what did they do with this money?

A little birdie (who didn't want me to go into a fit of homicidal mania when I get back up there in a week) told me that this is how they spent it:








Yes, humble inquirer, those are Segways. For our security staff to ride around on.

Nevermind that between their office in the Student Union and the furthest building on the hill is about a five-minute pimp walk.
Nevermind that Shorter is on a hill, thus making these devices impractical down the steep roads that lead to the gym. Nevermind that in defiance of all decrees of the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) and common decency that Shorter is one of the most handicap (and those Segway) inaccessible places that I have ever been to.
Nevermind that Shorter is made of cobblestones and greenery in the front circle, each of which could be damged by the use of this item.
Also, nevermind that even at Segway's top speed of 12.5 mph it would take approximately seven minutes of puttering to reach the gatehouse or the Bass Villages (longer to reach High Acres). Further, nevermind that during class changes, it will be impossible to drive these around campus due to the large number of people walking.
And, lastly, nevermind that they already have a car to make any excursion that can't be made simply by walking.

What I would like to know is why they need them. Because, in a budget crunch (where several budgets have been frozen for several years), it seems that one would only buy something one actually needed. Yet, Shorter security employs no paraplegics, no one missing a limb of any kind.

Now, I haven't been back up to Rome yet so I have no idea how many of these monstrosities of uselessness Shorter has acquired. But here is a line from the good ol' Wikipedia Segway page:

"In the US the price (MSRP, July 2008) of the various Segway models ranges from $5,350 to $6,400"

One of these machines is someone's room and board. Four of them are a year's collegiate education. Now, I don't want to seem like I'm going on forever about something that really equates to a purchase of less than $50k. But, for a ball park figure, let's say they spent $20k this year on purchase, training, and maintenance on these machines. Here's how I would have spent the money:

-Year subscription to the JSTOR online database to provide a decent research tool for primary sources in literature and history. ($11k)
-Getting rid of mold in older buildings ($4k)
-Bug-bombing all of the buildings and increased presence of bug control ($3.5k)
-Replacement of all smoke detectors to be non-defective and tamper-proof ($1.5k)

Now, I honestly don't know if any of those numbers are correct. They could easily be much more expensive or much cheaper. But I suspect that they have all already been taken care of. Otherwise, I'm sure such an egregiously inane expenditure never would have been undertaken.

But, come to think of it, I'll rest safer knowing that I have Segway cops to protect me.

Now if someone could explain to me why I only know of three entering theatre/musical theatre students...