True Life: I Love Jewelry on TV

I'm going to start doing what I say I'm going to do on this blog, otherwise, what's the point in making promises? You become the stereotypical bad father from a television children's comedy, and my metaphorical children would thus be abandoned and have to fend for themselves, engineering a world in which their imaginations are as good as the love and care that they have been deprived of from a caring parent.

That metaphor got dark in a hurry.

So, yesterday, I said that I'd spent a good chunk of the last week watching television that sells jewelry. My favorite network (there are at least 10 on the south Georgia extended satellite package) is by far the Gems TV. They employ a reverse auction system. Basically, what they do is they start at a price and they keep lowering the price until the entire stock of a gemstone is sold.

Okay, now I know some of you don't compulsively watch the Gems, so here are some terms to be aware of:
-Let's Play the Game-This phrase starts every game. A game is any round where jewelry is sold. No, it's not a commercial; it's a game. Commerce is a hobby that you can be good at.
-The Crash-this is when the price drops dramatically (usually around 70-80%) from the original start price. In some games, the price might crash multiple times.
-AAA Tanzanite (Triple A Tanzanite)-The single most expensive gem sold on TV. Usually starts at a list price of about five or six thousand dollars. A purple cut gem, it usually actually sells for about a thousand dollars. The realization that someone bought a 1k piece of jewelry on TV is truly it's own reward.
-The host-Each host hosts for FOUR HOURS by themselves and they talk and yammer and sell as much jewelry as possible in that time. They don't go to the bathroom, they don't take a phone call, nothing. Sometimes, they talk to the unseen producer or the phone bank people. Occasionally, they'll yell random names of "shoppers" out to encourage people...I doubt these names are real. I guess they sit on a bucket and piss while smiling on camera and selling saltwater black pearls.

Why do I love the game? No idea, but I have ever since I was a young child. Flipping channels one night in the giant house in Panama City (it had three stories and I have no idea what the street name was), I stopped on QVC selling a ring that had five different colored gemstones in it (pink, green, orange, red, and blue). It was horribly ugly and gaudy, but I loved it. I started watching QVC so I could see it again. I never did. But that didn't matter, I was hooked. Toys, Star Wars memorabelia, vacuums, make-up...it didn't matter. I wanted to watch people sell things. But jewelry was always my favorite.

I got so into this selling (and QVC would sell multiple things at once) that I kept a record in a notebook of everything that was sold. In columns, I had, in order of item introduction: item number, description, type of item, cost, and flex pay cost. I would keep records for hours. It was fascinating. I'd get up and watch it. I never did quite like HSN as much. And I didn't like outdoor shows. But I'd slug through them for the chance to look at some truly tacky things.

Why do I watch this for hours now? Because I like seeing "beautiful" things. Not all of it is tacky and awful but enough it is that I wonder who buys it. Who wears it? Do they have a lot of it? Do I need citrine in my wardrobe? Is iconocline a real gemstone? The questions, the path...that's what's important. And to find the answers...

Well, I just have to play the game.