Consternation and the Flu

Okay, first off I want to say that right now, at the beginning of August in anno domini 2009, I have the flu.  My head is all congested, I could barely speak yesterday, and I feel weak.  I can't focus long enough to read a single page of a book, leaving me to "rest" by mindlessly staring at the TV.

Anyway, I don't want to talk about being sick.  I'm not interesting enough sick to turn it into an article (no Tay-Sachs, no glittery skin...).

For those of you who don't know, I started writing for the online market on a freelance basis.  Doesn't allow me to get all of my sarcastic kinks out, but that's where I've been for the last month...trust me, I've turned out about 30,000 words in the past months an articles for hire.  I'm making okay money doing it, and I have reviewed almost every mobile phone known to man...and if I haven't done it yet, I'm sure it's on my "to write" list.

But something is bothering me:  am I really as bad as all of these people?  Now that I've joined some websites that easily host writing, I take some time to give back to the community and read some of the writing posted.  And it makes me crazy.  Articles usually are only about 400 words and they express none of the detail or style that makes me want to read.  This enabling of the entire populace with a keyboard makes me want to pull my eyelashes out.  Articles about scamming hypnotist fathers should at least pique my interest, but alas, all is for naught.  And then, I did something stupid.

I searched Twilight.

Here's my opinion:  Stephanie Meyer did a good job of writing for her audience.  I thought Twilight (the first book, not the series) was long and boring with too little action to justify its page length.  I think Bella is a character too intensely flawed to be likable while Edward is too perfect to be attracted to Bella.  I can't even remember what happened in the third book.  I liked Jacob, but then, in Breaking Dawn, he imprinted on a child, giving his relationship a pederastical quality that I wasn't quite a fan of.  That, mixed with vampire baby, vampire sex, and the great foreplay-but-no-intercourse that is the "battle" sequence at the end of the novel make the series fall apart.

Do I understand why people like it?  Sure, it gives you an escape from reality.  I just happen to find real people, who have both flaws and redeeming characteristics more palatable.  Plus, the movie's acting and color scheme made me wretch.

But, there are tons of articles, blog posts, and whatnot detailing every minutiae of this series.  If you don't have anything new to say, put up and shut up.  And if what you have to say is bizarre, then say it well.  If you're going to make an argument for whether Wicked or Twilight is going to send you to hell faster, than I insist it have paragraph breaks.

If you're going to scream about a novel, then at least italicize the title.

If you're going to suggest a summer reading list, then I insist no more than half the list be made up of classics, books that have recently become movies, or popular series that have already been read.  Make your suggestions mean something.

Give me some detail that I didn't know before.  Force me to consider things from a new perspective.  Otherwise, shut the hell up.

And if you catch me not following my own advice, let me know, and I'll fix it.

(By the way, for those of you looking for a great article about Twilight and what it's doing to relationship expectations, check out this piece that recently was placed in Slate)