Mental Exhaustion

Anytime someone asks me about my blog, I feel guilty about updating so spottily.  So, here's something new:

I feel like over the last year I have become a lot less politically motivated.  For instance, I care about healthcare from a wider, ethical perspective.  I believe everyone should have access to care that can save their lives and improve the quality of existence for those with medical conditions.  However, policy-wise, I don't really give a shit, and it kind of makes me cranky when people start talking about it. And I feel this way about a lot of things:  the Copenhagen debate and accords, economic stimulus, congressional races in 2010...the list grows and grows.  But, my thoughts on things haven't stagnated and it's not like I stopped thinking.

Once upon a time, like high school, I would have engaged this issues straight on.  Arguing with people, telling them they were wrong, and generally getting all up in arms about the whole thing.  Feeling superior, playing the devil's advocate (because even the Devil deserves an advocate), and just generally being a smarmy asshole.  But, the older I get, the harder that gets.  There are progressively fewer black and white issues.  Everything fades to shades of tan with every day that I walk and every new person I meet.  I know this is such a stereotypical thing to say, and I feel like I've said it before. But, this time, I swear it feels different.

This amount of ambivalence, case-by-case analysis, love despite choices, understanding and helping, disapproving but being there, and having to rethink the entire world burns mental calories worse than the LSAT.  But, it makes me a better person, I guess.

Catie once told me that the moderates didn't have very much to say because they were too busy getting shit done.  Because I'm getting shit done for America and for the world right now, I think that all the posturing of the non-idealists is exhausting.  And those of us in the trenches fight with something more substantial than words.