Oh Yeah? Well My Mom...

I went and saw my department's production of Tartuffe this past Thursday night. During intermission, I called my mother back.

"Guess what happened to me today?"

"What happened Dot?"

"I got a call from Tyler Perry Studios. They asked me what I was doing for the next six weeks. They had a job for me in Atlanta if I could be there. I told them that I hade a full time job and a family. They said 'Oh, well, thanks anyway.' Then I asked what the job was. They said that they wanted me to be Kathy Bates stand in and body double for their new movie. They'd pay me 110 dollars a day plus expenses."

"And you said?"

"I turned it down, of course. I can't get away. But I kept cussing for the next hour cause I wanted to so bad."

"You should have."

"Maybe, but I'm not an actress. But it's flattering to be asked."

***

This is the latest reason why my mother is awesome. This sort of thing happens to her all the time. Not the being-tapped-for-an-entry-job-in-movies thing, but the isn't-my-life-not-exactly-the-mother-of-a-college-student's-it's-supposed-to-be.

My mother runs a community theater, directs online Scrabble tournaments, fights nuns in her spare time, compulsively hums "Pomp and Circumstance," will wear a vellure pant suit, drinks nearly a gallon of Diet Coke a day, and is a former private investigator. Okay, one of those isn't true, but I'll let you figure which one out on your own.

In short, I pose this challenge to you to think about: Who could your mom beat up and how?

My answer: Captain Hook, a bear, and communism. For the how, please see above.